but joining this community of old friends is really inspiring. They're all doing so well that its pushing my creativity into overdrive for some reason. Memories of doing well, working hard, and actually being proud of it... I had that in highschool somehow and lost it in the fake world. There are so many parts of my personality from then I have duely vivasected, I had forgotten how much fun we had as well! The memory can truly play horrible tricks, but now I feel comforted. I expected to maybe know a small handful of people, but here it is the first night and I have a list of friends. It means more then anything to me when peeps can just pick-up the conversation where it left off, ya' know? So its been 5-9 years? So WHAT? I'm even more interested to here from them. I have no guilt for them. I only have love & a foundness for the memories of my friends & hope to build on those. I don't think I realized how much I missed everyone. All the same, there are parts of myself I will never miss that had to be worked on. I hope any friends who actually read this accept my apology for needing time to grow, lose & find myself again. Things really are looking up. I owe all of this courage, love, healing & help to Lauren for showing me how to love, to love her, to love myself, to love everything. I am no longer the constant sinic, however still critical as ever (balance is true love) just now more focused.
My greatest Music teacher, Mr. Dickson, once pulled me aside and looked me in the eyes once to engrain an old saying in my brain: "Julian, learn to pick your battles... so you can win the war."
Now that the battles in my brain are not as serious, I can begin to help others.
This new begining is very difficult... but for the first time in a very long time I am working and having fun again.
I missed my friends so much. /cheers to determination, confidence & seeking happiness ^^
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